Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Corporate Crapper Etiquette? Me thinks not.

I take dumps. Lots of 'em. Lots of 'em at work, some times more than once in a day. So do lots of other men, I know because those aren't women's dress shoes I see happily planted on the floors of the toilet stalls at work.

We pinch loafs. We drop deuces. We take the Browns to the Super Bowl. We drop the tan babies off at the pool. We drop logs. We serve the corn casserole. Call it what you want ... it's a basic human function, this excrement.

I read on the crapper. So what. So do lots of other men. In fact, these are the things I know men do - I know because I've heard them - on the crapper:

-squeeze out the most vile sounding and smelling farts
-text message on an unidentified digital device
-do work on PDAs
-use a cell phone, for crying out loud
-browse catalogues
-spank the monkey

My wife was mortified when I told her I took dumps at work. She was double mortified to learn my dirty little secret: that I dare to read the sports page on the crapper - while on the clock. She is certain I'm the butt of jokes - pun intended - and that people e-mail about me behind my back as soon as I get up to use the john. Even when I told her that I discretely fold the sports page into my pocket so that no one can see it, she still said that the women in the office would easily sniff me out. I told her I leave the sports page behind for the next man who squats on the porcelain. Not good enough for my lady. She even goes so far as to say that I must exit the bathroom with a paper towel in my hand and carry it all the way to the trash bin in my office, as if to say: LOOK AT ME WORLD, I WASH MY FILTHY HANDS CLEAN AFTER A GOOD SIT ON THE CONTAMINATED TOILETS OF CORPORATE AMERICA.

I call b.s. I don't announce that I'm going to hacer kaka unless I fart really loud first, which I try to avoid. So it's either a) I take my time and enjoy the sports page - which is nothing compared to other crappy multi-taskers, or b) I fart and fart till I can't take it anymore and sprint through an unfulfilling toilet experience. No way, says me. When a man has to know how many points Ike Diagu scored against Seattle, he also has to know what Milton Bradley's on-base percentage was last year.

To all of you overly-anal corporate crapper watch dogs: I wash my hands, so eat my shorts. They'll be clean, because I take my time to wipe ... thoroughly.

Merry Christmas Crappers! Enjoy your paid time on the toilet.

Monday, October 31, 2005

Can You Dig It ????!

Too bad not too many people know about the late 1970s movie, "The Warriors." It made for a great Halloween costume. Too bad all but a small handful in corporate America understood the humor. The Warriors has just been launched as a special edition DVD and videogame ... so while Star Wars III and its videogame counterpart, Battlefront II, get all of the deserved hype, take a minute to check out The Warriors.

Imagine a bleak future where gangs rule the streets of New York City, from Coney Island to Manhattan, and you have The Warriors. The beauty of "the future" is it is full of pimp outfits, handle-bar moustaches, leather vests, afros and headbands. My favorite gang in the flick is a face-painting gang known as the "baseball furies."

So for all of you polo-shirted, dockers-wearing, moustached business men who didn't get my Halloween get-up, I offer this:


Monday, October 24, 2005

RIP Mr. Bill King - the best ever

In my mind - and the minds of Raiders, A's and Warriors fans everywhere - Bill King was tbe best sports broadcaster ever. May he rest in peace and play the heavenly violins and harps with more dexterity than Kenny Stabler played the Minnesota Vikings defense in Super Bowl 15.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Things and people I am tired of:

I'm sick and tired of:

Bob Costas
Barry Bonds
Terrell Owens
Dr. Phil
Rosie O'Donnell
Jesse Jackson
Geraldo Rivera
Ben Affleck
Any celebrity looking for charity camera time in New Orleans
The host of Survivor
Bill O'Reilly & Bill Maher
JT The Brick
The Starbucks coffee company
People with no souls (see wealthy corporate executives and Scott Peterson)

Old, tired phrases I'm ready to puke over:

push back
due dilligence
stakeholder buy-in
action item
low hanging fruit
sharpen the pencil
hurt feelings (as a tool for manipulation of others feelings and emotions)
irregardless (which is not a word in the English language)
very unique (which is to say something is very one of a kind ... it doesn't work!)

If the phrases and people in the lists above fell off the face of the Earth tomorrow, I suspect the world would continue to turn ... and I'd be very happy.

Friday, September 09, 2005

No use complaining about New Orleans: do what you can to help and let's move forward

I wish the finger-pointing and complaining would stop. People are using the disaster fight each other. Forget all the celebirties ... Oprah and Dr. Phil. Give me a break. All attention should be focused on helping those victims ... not just with bottles of water and blankets but with genuine concern that will lead to education, jobs and a safer place to live.

I could go on and on and on, but I won't. New Orleans is a great city of so much soul, so much music, so much culture. It needs to be rebuilt from the inside out. The healing has to begin and it begins with its heart, it's people. Okay, I'm off the soap box and onto saving all of the problems of the Oakland Raiders' offense, defense and special teams through the magic of blogging.

It's Bananas ... b-a-n-a-n-a-s ... H-a-y-w-a-r-d

I can't tell you why I like Gwen Stefani's new song "Holla Back Girl," but I do. Something about that song is very Hayward, Calif. I grew up the ole "Hay-stack," so if anyone can say anything it's me.

The song is for all red-blooded American high school girls wearing dark lipstick and looking to start a fight over someone talking shit ... and yet, it is still very Hayward. I can't put my finger on it. Maybe it's the chorus line:

"This my shit, this my shit ... gettin' everybody fired up."

If there was ever a music video made for this song (and there probably is one already) then let me humbly suggest they make it at the former Sunset High School off of A Street. The MTV Camera crews could easily recruit extras from the surrounding neighborhoods. Hell, me and most of the kids I grew up with could've guest-starred in this video at some point in our lives.

But I digress. I like the song. It's kind of like the nostalgia I feel when I watch the old Captain America cell-by-cell cartoons from the 1960s or the live action UltraMan show from the 1980s. It all comes flooding back ... chicks with slicked back hair fighting behind the gym after school. That and fish burgers during Lent.

Amen, Gwen Stefani, amen.

Same old Moss, Raiders

The more things change, the more things stay the same. Randy Moss changes teams, schemes and quarterbacks and still gets his 100+ yards, a handful of catches and a crowd-stunning touchdown. The Raiders remake their offense in the image of Al Davis' favored vertical game and add power runner Lamont Jordan ... and still kill themselves with penalties and turnovers. What a shame because the defense was actually up to the challenge. It's not the D's fault Janikowski shanked a field goal and that the offense turned the ball over right after a huge 4th down stuff.

Al Davis now uses a walker. Me thinks once old Al is finally 6-feet under the Raiders will still be racking up yellow flags galore. I wonder if he'll be rolling over in that grave, still grousing over referee conspiracy theories. Say what you will about Jon Gruden, but the man would not allow his team to complain about refs - he challenged them to simply eliminate penalties.

By contrast, pock-faced Norvall shrugs the hankies off with this: 'It's just guys trying to make an extra play.' Ahem, can't you only make one play per snap? How do you make an extra play? Well one thing is for sure: Mr. Moss and the gang will be No. 1 ... in penalties.

Sunday, July 31, 2005

It's for real now. Moss is a Raider. Camp has started!

Eat it Raider-Haters. Oakland has the most exciting player in the NFL. Jerry Rice and Tim Brown's records will be in serious trouble 10 years from now. I look forward to a decade of championship-caliber football with Mr. Moss leading the charge. Great move Mr. Davis, the Raidernation thanks you. Posted by Picasa

HBO's Entourage is a sleeper hit

This could be the best show on TV you're not watching. It's executive produced by Mark Walberg and scores TONS of awesome cameos from everyone from Bob Sagget to Mandy Moore.

It's about a young actor and his posse; one is his manager, one is his brother, one is just pot-smoking freeloader - and all are his best friends. The reason I watch is the superagent Ari Gold - played by Jeremy Piven - who steals every scene. I suspect each of these actors has a basis in reality for the roles that they play because they ring so true. From trying to score "sloppy seconds" from the actor's leftover women, to freeloading freebies at every turn, the posse is a brilliant representation of 20-something Hollywood. If you have HBO, catch this show.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Futuristic SciFi Technology is here - a Robotic Humanoid

Japanese scientist creates life-like female droid. Look out C3PO, here comes something meatier. Posted by Picasa

Yes true beleviers and SciFi fans, she has finally arrived - a lifelike droid. Star Wars, Star Trek, Battle Star Galactica, i-Robot, AI, Weird Science and Small Wonder: Eat Your Heart Out!

This little lady supposedly moves like a real human woman and even appears to breath. I wonder if she'll want to talk about her day and complain about the toilet seat. My guess is no! She was created by a man after all.

Seriously, this is very cool stuff because it's cutting edge and yet you have to wonder if the scientist will create an army of these droid damsels that will go bad and seek to take over the Earth. As long as men can still fart, drink beer and watch football, I'm okay with an army of she-bots dressed in pink blazers. I wonder if she'll come pre-programmed with cheat codes for Xbox or DVD bootlegging software.

Okay, that's enough wishful thinking for one blog. See you at the bloggies.

Monday, July 18, 2005

It's been a while ... let's get our proper Blog on

It's been a busy summer. New job. Buying my first home as I write this. Adobrable baby girl is as busy as ever. Side jobs on weekends. Wife is on verge of promotion and raise. We haven't had time for anything ... except for one of the best shows in the history of TV - FOX'S Family Guy!

It would seem that the writers of the Family Guy did a deep psychological profile on me and use the material from my inner most thoughts to craft the show. Here's what I mean: in the last show there were no fewer than five references that made me laugh harder than anyone on God's Green Earth.

1. A-ha video "Take Me On," complete with pencil-shaved cartoon panels
2. A reference to the Goonies and Chunk's "Truffle Shuffle."
3. An homage to the Star Wars IV Death Star trench run complete with TIE-Fighters.
4. A day dream about Peter Griffin's fantasy land in "The Never Ending Story."
5. An Asian version of Three's Company.

There was some other, unsavory stuff, like references to the untimely death of a member of the band INXS and to Greg Louganis' name rhyming with anus. Last week there was a fanboy reference to X-Men starring a dressed up nerd as Wolverine and Lois Griffin as Mystique. This stuff writes itself, I tell you.

I'm so glad this show made it back on after an unexplicable cancellation. Sometimes great shows don't get good ratings and never make it back (see: ABC's "Sports Night", NBC's "American Dreams" and "Manimal" and Fox's "Sledgehammer" and "Dark Angel" - okay, maybe "Manimal" is stretching it a bit.)

And now a call to action:

Children of the mid-70s and 80s: next time you're sitting at home at 9 p.m. on a Sunday night, tune into the Family Guy. Forget the Surreal Life and USA's The 4400. Or better yet ... TiVo/DVR those other shows. Do like Brian the talking dog - whip yourself up a martini and enjoy the brilliance that is the Family Guy.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Christopher Walken is the greatest living actor - and the most prolific. Posted by Hello

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

UFOs and al Qaeda are among us. We need superheroes to protect us.

Make no mistake, true believers, UFOs and al Qaeda hostiles are among us. Which will get to to us first? No one knows the day, nor the hour but God - and that's what's scary for us regular old humans living in the U.S.

The recent arrests of al Qaeda operatives near Sacramento and the rash of UFOs programs on Cable-TV have this paranoid Bay Area Blogger hiding under his Star Wars blanket.

They're here! They're both here. UFO skeptics can say all they want about weather balloons, bright planets and over-active imaginations ... but when thousands of witnesses see the same thing, it's hard to refute their identical accounts. The evidence is pretty compelling - even when you throw every adbuction story out the window. By the same token, the further we get from Sept. 11, 2001, the more we get lulled into a false sense of apathetic security.

We need to be ready. Until Captain America and Batman arrive to save the day, we all need to be prepared for UFO visitation or al Qaeda attacks within our borders. I don't want to promote fear. I do want to promote evaluating what's important in your life and preparing some emergency kits for your home, yard and cars. You never know when you'll need a supply of water, duct tape and a flashlight.

Even if the UFOs are friendly, you need to be ready for the mass hysteria that will break out. This world is always one major disaster away from total chaos, so it's good to have a good balance of mind, body and soul in case it's time to meet the Maker. Have your relationships squared away with loved ones. Live every day as if it could be your last.

Don't forget to pack beef jerky, your favorite magazines and toilet paper in case it is not your last day on God's Green Earth.

Monday, May 30, 2005

Captain America says: Happy Memorial Day, True Believers!

Captain America concept art for my movie script being adapted as an e-short, courtesy of Kyle in Texas. Posted by Hello

Thursday, May 26, 2005

The ... BEST ... lightsaber ... fights ... EVER

Saw Revenge of the Sith twice now. First time on IMAX, that was okay. Second time in DLP digital projection, freaking beautiful picture and sound. It blew my doors off.

All I can say is that Star Wars III lived up to the hype. I was only dissappointed with the final scene where Darth Vader is finally "born" as a cybernetic human. I would've thought that a man realizing he's trapped in a suit of armor for the rest of his life because he made a deal with the devil and got burned would be way more angry.

Other than that, I was blown away by the number and quality of the lightsaber duels. This was a Star Wars fan's dream. I love the sith/jedi conflicts. The space ship dog fights are cool too, but I live for the ritual and tradition of the sword fights, which are worth the price of admission alone.

All in all, this is a tragic and dark tale. A perfect set up for the original 1977 movie, Star Wars IV "A New Hope." Get out and see it if you haven't!

Monday, May 09, 2005

New Battlestar Galactica show on Sci Fi TV is a winner

The new Battlestar Galactica delivers in a way the original show never did back in the 1970sPosted by Hello

For fans of science fiction and fantasy, Sci Fi channel's recreation of Battlestar Galactica is like finding five dollars in your pocket - it won't change your life, but it's soooooooo cool.

The first offering in the 1970s was a total dog - complete with a robot dog that was a bad knock-off of R2D2. Let's face it, the whole show was a bad knock-off on Star Wars. After on year on the air, the only part of BSG that survived was a theme ride at Universal Studios.

Today's reincarnation has a good cast and terrific writing that focuses on characters. The show has some good CGI, for a TV show, but it doesn't overpower the story telling. The show was cast well, led by veteran Edward James Olmos and that lady from "Dances with Wolves," whose name escapes me.

What I like best is the mini-movie serial feel. Every show is an hour - the first two were a full two hours each - and they are presented in chronological chapters. Each show connects to the next. There are no crappy stand-alone shows like you'd occasionally get with the X-Files or the Psi-Factor Chronicles.

In case you're wondering, the evil robots created by man (the Cylons) do survive in the modern-day BSG. Except now the Cylons are fully upgraded - some even pass for humans and infiltrate the fleet. The Cylon ships are metal on the outside, organic on the inside - a nice little twist.

All in all, I'd say this is must-see TV for any true believer. If you have a DVR, you have no excuse. Hop on board the Battlestar Galactica, or was that the Great Space Coaster?

Ahh, who cares ... go watch TV.

I've had two weeks to reflect on my visit to the ER

In an instant, my world came crashing down. A bad hope on the infield dirt, and a sharply hit softball crushes my eye. It fractured a think bone between the back of my eye and the nose. Blood everywhere.

I have permanent damage to my right eye from childhood. To have this softball bash my left (good) eye was scary as hell.

Probably not as scary as my 7 hour stay at the local ER.

Because I wasn't dying or a baby, I was low on the priority list. My wound wasn't cleaned until the end of my stay. My wife had to troll around for gauze for my bleeding gash. I had to wait for hours before the catscan specialist could x-ray my skull. I had to ask for pain killers. I had to ask for a bag of ice for my swollen eye. It all came much later. I was told my contact lens was ripped apart inside my eye. It was not. I plucked both contacts out, as I normally would, because the doctor couldn't figure it out. I had to remind the doctor that I needed clean hands before taking my contacts out ... then I had to wait for the lone ER bathroom. Best of all, I was shoved out into the hallway because they ran out of ER rooms. Luckily a nurse had pity on me and my wife - she grabbed us warmed blankets. She was the only one to really service us the whole night.

Overall, I'm very grateful the doctor was diligent in examining my eye. I should be on my way to a 100% recovery, but it was a painful night all the way around. Here's today's Dougie Houser message:

Be careful and protect yourselves.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Teaser poster for "Captain America: Patriot Act," written by Omar Morales and adapted by a production company in Texas as an e-movie trailer. Posted by Hello

Saturday, April 30, 2005

Raiders gather Moss, rookies for weekend mini-camp

Randy Moss says he will go back to being a 'dangerous' football player as the Silver and Black's # 18, the number he wore as a rookie in training camp with Minnesota. Posted by Hello

A year ago, it was Tim Brown, Jerry Rice, Rich Gannon, Tyrone Wheatley and Roland Williams looking to recapture the magic of the 2005 season. Today it's Randy Moss, Jerry Porter, Kerry Collins, Lamont Jordan and Courtney Anderson/Teyo Johshon looking to start over after a combined 9-23 record after the last two years.

As a Raiders fan, I'll take it. The NFL is a year-to-year propostion these days. There is no time to rebuild and "get out of salary cap hell," as the 49ers would like their sad fans to believe.

Al Davis knows this and still pulls rabbits out of his hat every off season, despite having a low revenue stream. Why? The man still has it. Street cred. Gangsta scratch. Whatever you want to call it, he has it, and NFL players want to be a part of it. As Charlie Garner once said "Al Davis? Oh he's a straight gangsta." As Warren Sapp once said "He's as smooth as all of the outdoors, looking lovely in his white suits."

I supposed the Raiders are about one defensive tackle and one impact edge rusher away from being a true force in the league, but for now, Oakland should have enough to compete for a wild card. Then watch Mr. Davis raid the draft and free agent cupboards again next offseason.

To quote the theme song: the Autumn Wind is a Raider ... pillaging just for fun.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Yes! Captain America is finally going to hit the silver screen.

After years of languishing in courts, Marvel Comics secured the rights to mass market Captain America from the estate of his original creators. The rights were sold to Artisan Entertainment, which transferred to Lions Gate Entertainment, a movie studio not known for blockbusters. Now Marvel has said is enough is enough, and optioned the rights to Paramount Pictures. Marvel will pay to produce the movie itself, the way George Lucas does with Fox and Star Wars movies. Fox puts in marketing and distribution money, but Lucafilm foots all production costs and keeps creative control. This is what comic book fans have been waiting for: production control by Marvel itself.

Finally, after lagging behind Spider-Man, the X-Men and even Daredevil, Cap will get his shot. Hope it's not too late after years of Hell Boy, Elektra, the Punisher and other b-list heroes clogging up the attention of movie fans. With Middle East tension still high, this Cap movie ought to be a homerun here in the U.S. of A. The hardest thing about this movie will be casting Steve Rogers (aka. Captain America). My pick is an actor who played a hard-nosed CIA agent on the CBS Show "The Agency," named John O'Mara. I don't think Brad Pitt or Orlando Bloom can pull this one off, sorry ladies.

Here's the official write-up from Variety Magazine:

Paramount has signed a lucrative, exclusive distribution deal with Marvel for films based on the comic book publisher's remaining characters, reports Variety.

According to a Dow Jones report Wednesday night, Marvel has already amassed a half-billion-dollar war chest to make a slate of movies with budgets as high as $180 million, drawing on its remaining 5,000 comic-book characters.

Among the first of its superheroes headed for the silver screen: Captain America and Nick Fury.

Marvel has never produced a movie on its own until now. To fund its slate Marvel arranged a seven-year $525 million revolving credit facility with Merrill Lynch Commercial Finance Corp., secured against the movie rights to 10 comic-book characters, including Captain America, says the trade.

Paramount isn't putting up any production money; it will receive a fee for marketing and distributing an initial 10 movies, the first of which is expected to hit theaters in two years. To ensure the maximum possible audience, none of the movies will be R-rated.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Comcast is back in my good graces with a DVR that works ... and it works wonders

After a horrible 5-day experience with this machine when it was first rolled out, I am in heaven with this dual-tuner DVR with on-Demand and HDTV. I can record and watch other stuff at the same time, holy moly, I knew it was a great concept, but damn is it awesome in action. We got the HBO package with its 10 HBO channels and we're loving "Curb Your Enthusiasm" as well as the other HBO series available whenever we want with on-Demand.

The NFL Network rules! The top 50 college draft prospects broken down in 5-minute highlight packages available through NFL Network on-Demand? Are you kidding me?

I would write more, but I have to go and catch up on "Battlestar Galactica" and "Spider-man and his Amazing Friends" that the machine recorded while I was away at the new job.

If you can, go out and order your own digital cable/DVR/on-Demand/HDTV tuner. It now comes with component cables for even better quality. You will never want to leave the house, I swear it.

Friday, April 22, 2005

New superman costume

Here it is: Brandon Routh is the new Superman. The short-shorts are a little much, but I like the darker color scheme for sure. Hopefully Captain America gets a darker, more adult look when he finally hits the big screen too.

Post your thoughts, true believers.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

My softball team is like the Bad News Bears, but with 5 o'clock shadows

After getting to a .500 record at 1-1, things were looking good against our old rivals, Jo Bu's Rum. We got up 10-0 in the bottom of the first. Then came the comedy of errors in the top of the second - the result was a 17-10 deficit that should've been a 10-2 lead. Now we're 1-2 and still on top of the world. Why? Good friends = good times. In the words of Frank the Tank, we keep on truckin'

It hurt to lose that bad. One guy struck out looking. Another guy made every kind of error you can make in the outfied short of a Canseco "off the head" homer. Another guy tried a half-ass swing for a bunt and was called out. Normally I'm good for an error or a weak pop-up too, so no one on the team has any room to point fingers.

All in all, we had a good time. We always have a good time. Wives, girlfriends, call girls and good old fashioned concubines are always invited. Kids and pets too. Our Web site has almost 3,000 hits and some guestbook entries. Sometimes we all go out for pizza and beer afterwards. Sometimes we have an "Alize party" before we even hit the field. Its all good with your friendly neighborhood Dublin Non Athletics.

Do we play to win? Sure. We've made the playoffs in every year of our rich and storied history. In the end, playing with fraternity brothers is so much more fun than playing on some corporate or random team full of casual acquaintances or even strangers. What's the moral of the story: eat, drink, play softball and be merry.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

No explanation Saturday

Darting here and there ...

That poor lady in Florida, Terri Schiavo, deserved to live. Humans should never decide when each other dies, it's not our job. A kill or be killed situation is a little different because our "fight or flight" instincts take over. But that woman was defenseless.

Pope John Paul II was truly a beacon of light, not just for Catholics, but for all Christians, non-Christians, nations and politicians. He'll be sorely missed.

Our country, maybe even our world, needs to get back to old-fashioned values centered around family, decency and honesty.

I'm worried that radical islamic terrorists are plotting a nuclear attack. Living in a major metro area makes me even more cautious.

If it ever happens, the U.S. would almost have to go into a militant state just to survive. I hope it never comes to that, but who could blame us if push came to shove?

Why do people care more about Britney Spears' or Brad Pitts' lives more than things like having a sound mind, body and soul?

For the first time in my life, I am working in a new job in a truly large corporate environment. Being in the headquarters of a Fortune 500 company makes one feel really small and confused by all of the acronyms. I almost expected someone to ask me why I'm having troubles with my TPS reports. The challenges will be great, but I'm up for it. My boss is from London and he's really cool. I'm sure he'll make this journey worthwhile and full of British humour. Thank you for getting me the gig, Ki.

Th-th-th-th-th-that's all folks.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Superman Returns

No, not me sillies, the REAL Superman, coming to a theatre near you. For more details on the new flick - which will be a continuation story building of off the Christopher Reeve movies - see Director John Singer's Web site:

I hope this movie delivers. They went with a no name soap opera actor and surrounded him with powerhouse talent like Anthony Hopkins and Kevin Spacey. Word is we'll get to see two Superman uniforms: a slight update of the classic blue and a Raider-themed silver & black number that is used for intergalactic-planetary travel. Based on that Beastie Boys/Oakland Raiders combo, I am jazzed to see this alternate uni.

Up, up and away, true believers!

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Warriors playing .650 ball with Baron Davis. Finally ... next year looks good!

I've been a faithful, Golden State Warriors true believer for a long, long time. At times it has felt like the last time they made the playoffs was also in a galaxy far, far way. That was back when my favorite player - Michigan's Chris Webber - was ballin' on a team with Tim Hardaway, Avery Johson, Chris Mullin, Latrel Sprewell and Chris Gatling. Can you say 1993/1994? Ahh yes, my last year of high school/first year of college. Good times. Good times. Ace of Base was rockin' the airwaves, Niki Taylor was on the front of every magazine, "Clerks" was in production and "Journeys" was THE place to buy shoes.

Webber lasted one year and left Oakland faster than you can say 12-year playoff drought. Now, Baron Davis has arrived to make the biggest impact in Oak-town since Webber. At first, I didn't know too much about "BD." I didn't see what all the fuss was about. Count me as a convert. He even has Mike Dunleavy playing with passion and engery (I swear I will not quote JT The Brick ever again).

The Warriors fate was forever changed on Feb. 24, 2005. Chris Mullin acquired the all-star guard from UCLA and the team is 13-7 since the trade. I don't think they'll play .650 ball all next year, but hell, .550 might squeeze them into the playoffs. Good enough for me. The future looks bright with BD, J-Rich, Pietrus and young Biendrins in the middle. The jury is still out on Dunleavy and Troy Murphy. It says here the Warriors are one Anthony Mason or Dennis Rodman type player away from being a team to be reconed with.

While we're at it, can we finally change the official team name to the Oakland Warriors and make the new orange uniform the permanent road jersey? The navy blue unis look terrible and have since they changed from the plain-old royal blue from the Run-TMC days. Okay, Warriors problems solved. Twelve-year drought about to be ... jammed. Rasberry. Only one man would dare use the rasberry ... Baron Davis!

Friday, April 01, 2005

Don't "F" with us, rebel scum. And by "F" we don't mean Force.

On the eve of new Star Wars Episdoe III toys ... I have to geek out a little bit, so pardon the e-drool.

Here's my schedule for the next 24 hours: Line up outside of Toys R Us with a great friend and Star Wars fan by 9 p.m. Shoot documentary footage with my pro videocam, interviewing other die-hard fans for a few hours. Buy some toys when the doors open for "Midnight Madness" at Toys R Us. Next morning, hit up Target with $1 off of EVERY action figure coupon. Must reach comic book shop by 10 a.m. with another good buddy for a one-year anniversary sale, 40 - 70 % off of all comics & collectibles. Then hit a third buddy's house by noon for a massive beer and Xbox-fest where we will play Star Wars: Republic Commando on a 70-inch LCD HDTV until out thumbs bleed.

Is there a guy in America - or the Galaxy - that has more going on than me and my boys in the next 24 hours? In the words of Vader: I find your lack of faith disturbing.

May the Force be with You, true believers.

Thursday, March 31, 2005

New NBC Show, "The Office" Rules.

As someone about to join corporate America for the first time in his life, I have to say "The Office" scares me a little bit. The characters on this show take so much **** from their idiot boss that it becomes side-splittingly funny. The main character, Michael the boss, is so oblivious to sensitivity and tact that you can't hlep but laugh at a guy that takes himself that seriously. Imagine a short Will Ferrell with slicked back hair and a "world loves me" attitude and you have Michael.

The supporting characters all engage in random acts of petty office politics and time wasting. What's really interesting is that this show sheds light on the "office crush" between a single guy and the young, engaged receptionist. She clearly does nothing to discourage the guy's harmless pining - at one point she falls asleep on his shoulder, putting him in 7th heaven. As long as it doesn't go beyone that, this subplot is funny and interesting. I believe it was CBS's "King of Queens" that shed light on a similar phenomenon, "the office spouse," which has some co-workers acting like a married couple while in the office. That's going a little far, unless both participants in the "office marriage" are single - which the people on "King of Queens" were not.

"The Office" is shot documentary style, with candid "reality show" type interviews that are worth the price of admission alone. Since this show is on network TV and not HBO, it's the best deal in town folks!

Anyway, catch NBC's latest winner on Tuesday Nights. You can also catch it on replya on CNBC and USA. Much like "The Contender," it's a knock out. I'd watch it over a nice bowl of jell-o, extra whipped cream, hold the stapler.

Monday, March 28, 2005

I'm writing my first movie and I don't care if nerds like it

To make a long story short, I've been writing all my life, even if I didn't get paid for it most of the time. I remember writing my first comic book at the age of 8 with one of those pens that has a tab for red ink, blue ink, green ink and black ink. I wrote it on a tiny homemade note pad on paper that I cut and stapled together. My Dad was proud. I always got good grades in creative writing exercises. Then I decided to go John Wayne and embarked on a journey toward becoming a TV sports announcer/reporter after college. That dream lasted a few years, but had to come to a close because I had other plans for my life than living in places like Temple, Texas and Sparks, Nevada. Then I transitioned into PR, still got to write and be creative, just in a different way.

Now I have a two-week layoff before starting a new job with an awesome company just 3 miles from my house. I figured now is the best time to write that movie that's been floating around in my head for the last few years. Around this time last year I fooled around with a superhero movie idea with no idea of how to write an actual screenplay. Over the last year I've been reading and studying Lew Hunter's 434 secrets for writing a "spec", industry-standard screenplay. This thing will be legit, at least in its form and structure. My research comes form a lifetime of experiences and a helluva memory. Beauty will be in the eye of the beholder or the possible agent that tries to sell it (if I'm that lucky).

So, I am off to the races! I may never have two weeks to dedicate to my passion of creative writing, so I am seizing the day, 8 hours a day, cranking out a minimum of 10 pages per. Following my detailed step outline, I feel like this thing is coming to life from the pages of my screenwriting software. I finished Act One today in a flurry of 18 pages that flowed from my finger tips. I feel so alive.

Won't be able to share until I get the copyright is filed, but hey, I may as well secure the intellectual property before the rest of the wannabe's in the world start trashing my effort - and that will happen. There's a lot of jealousy and ugliness in the world of "creatives" and artists. I saw it all the time in the TV biz. Anyway, here's a hint on the premise of my sci-fi thriller:

A man travels into the future where he has a chance to make all of the dreams of his hollow, unfulfilled life come true. The price of success: possible death. The price of failure: a certain, brutal death. How will he respond to the challenges? Stay tuned, true believers.

In closing, here's what I have to say: I'm having fun writing this movie and I don't care if every fanboy in the world nit picks it to death. So there! See you at the movies.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Naughty Girls Need Love 2?

While waiting for my car to be serviced at the local dealership, I was treated to free drinks from the coffee vending machine and satellite TV in the lobby. The monitor was tuned to VH1 Classic - and boy, was I in for a treat.

Before my very eyes I witnessed Samantha Fox's "Naughty Girls Need Love (Version 2) Extended Remix." This was music video-making with no expenses spared! It was like 10 minutes long in a day and age when most music videos last a couple of minutes before some veejay cuts in along with a throng of screaming teenagers in the background.

Let me tell you that Fox's extended version of the video was hot. There were black dudes with jerry curls and bejeweled jean jackets dancing in a rain slicked back alley with garbage cans full of flames. Then there was Samantha with her pink hair and pink socks.

Just when I thought this bad boy was coming to a close, here comes the lengthy interlude. It was an extended drum break complete with dimly lit erotic scenes of Samantha with a faceless, non-descript male partner. It was all tastefully accentuated with strobe lighting that would keep pace with the fast edits.

It all brought back pre-pubecent memories of hanging out my friend Shane's garage/bedroom. Shane's mom was pretty loose with rules and allowed Shane a poster of a topless Samantha Fox, in all of her glory, with a wet dress shirt draped carelessly off of her shoulders. We would marvel at how the lighting in the shot revealed peach fuzz on her breasts. Those were the good ole days.

So, I'm back in the car dealership to witness a second offering of Samantha Fox on VH1 Classic. This time it's "Touch Me, I Want Your Body." This video is not so provocative. Some service technician says, "You need new breaks, it'll be $300." I say, no thanks, I'll have it done another time. He says "It could cost you more if you wait." I stand firm.

Next up: videos from Sheena Easton and Donna Summer. I swear I was witnessing this season's roll-out of celebrity judges on "American Idol." Or maybe the next cast of the "Surreal Live." Dude comes back out and says, "There's a nail in your left, front tire. You can either pay us for a whole new tire, or take it to a tire shop." I say I'll take it to the tire shop.

Cost of scheduled maintenance: pre-paid.
Cost of hot chocolate and satellite TV: free.
Cost of not paying for new brakes and a tire: savings of $400.
Cost of reliving youth with has-been divas: priceless.
For everything else, there's a non-auto-dealer repair shop.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

A pouch of "Big League Chew" in every purse

A chewing gum which the makers say can help enhance the size, shape and tone of the breasts has proved to be a big hit in Japan. The purple things in the picture are supposed to be part of the magic ingredient for this chewy miracle.

In the words of the late, great Reggie White "The Japanese can turn a toaster into a watch." Or was it a watch into a toaster? Anyway, why an NFL player was making ignorant comments about several cultures from around the world is beyond me. But hot damn, chewing gum that can do what the nerds from the movie "Weird Science" could only dream of?! The Japanese have officially overtaken Americans and Europeans as the greatest inventors on Earth. First Ninjas. Then Nintendo. Then that little electronic pet the size of a pager. Domi Arugato, Mr. Roboto!

If America is the land of milk and honey, then Japan could be the land of jugs of honey? How soon before a car in every driveway, a TV in every home and a pack of "Big Bust Chew" in every purse here in the good ole US of A? Can you imagine something that can whiten teeth, sweeten breath and make a woman look like she's nursing a baby? This is unheard of. I can just see the ads now "New Fruit Stripes by Victorias Secret."

Keep an eye out for updates from The Land of the Rising ... um, errr ... Sun.

Saturday, March 19, 2005

My goodness, she's the double-golden child

All parents love their kids and think they are the most beautiful babies ever. I am no different. My 1-year-old girl is the apple of my eye.

What amazes me the most is all of the physical features she has that I always wanted, but never had. I am a Latino with dark and hairy features. My wife is a mix of Anglo-European and Chamoro from the island of Guam, also a dark-haired culture.

Our baby has brownish-blondish hair, blueish-greenish eyes and some big dimples. On top of that, she looks like she will be tall and left handed. All my life I wanted to be tall, with dimples and light-colored eyes. Plus, left-handers are so sweet in sports - a lefty pitcher, quarterback or shooting guard always have such an heir of cool to them. I can already see visions of my daughter growing up to be an All-America athlete and a celebate nun. Every dad's dream! Okay, wifey will never allow for the nun thing, but sports will be okay for sure.

Both my wife and I were somewhat golden children by virtue of good grades and lack of trouble-making, compared to more rebellious siblings. Of course we both came to be uncomfortable with these expectations as we grew up - not to mention it's unfair to other family members. Hopefully our daughter won't feel that way growing up ... but daddy dearest certainly wouldn't mind the good grades and lack of dating until her master's degree is hanging on the wall.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Wonder Woman returns on silver screen

That's right, true believers. A Wonder Woman movie is in the works and it will be written and directed by "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" guru Joss Whedon.

There will never be another Lynda Carter, but here are a few good choices to reprise the roll of the Amazon Warrioress:

Boston Legal's Rhona Mitra
Blade 3's Jessica Biel
Jag's Catherine Bell
Lost's Evangeline Lilly

Can't wait for the golden lasso and invisible fighter jet.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

Is "Sex and the City" like soft porn for women?

My wife - and women in general - seem addicted to HBO's "Sex and the City" the way my single friends are addicted to Cinemax's late-night offerings of gratuitous nudity. For the beer-drinking, hot-wing loving set, there's nothing like a late-night rerun of "Hard Ticket to Hawaii," or "Savage Beach," or "Hot Babes in Paradise." For the Victoria's Secret-wearing, chocolate-eating gang, 'tis all about the first-name necklace, shoes and the honest sex talk of Sarah Jessica Parker and her gang of single, New York 30-somethings.

This show is also prone to its bits of gratuitous nudity thanks to the slut character, Samantha. It's just not as gratuitous as what the guys are watching. But women don't seem to need lots of visuals of boobs with absolutely no penis in sight - they're the fairer sex after all. The reason why guys can't get into the show is all of the damn sensitivity. The cancer, the alzheimers, the infertility, the impotence, the hurt feelings ... and all of that damn talking! Talking, talking, talking. It's all about shoes and perfume. Couldn't the show's writers mix in a little dialogue about sports and power tools to broaden the audience? I guess not.

So, the division remains clear. Women rent or TiVO "the City" over and over and over. The fellas pop in "Star Wars," "Scarface," or "Swingers" until they've memorized every line. Thing is, it just wouldn't be practical for women to memorize and recite all of that damn witty dialogue on "the City." Oh well, I guess they can just tell us all about their day instead.

Hey honey, do you mind fetching me a Corona with a lime?

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Star Wars "Revenge of the Sith" will rock bacon!

I could go on and on forever about this, but I won't. All I'll say is that in two months we'll see a new chapter of Star Wars that should rank up there with the original Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back. It'll be dark, violent, sad, loaded with action and truly Shakespearian in delivering the tragedy that is Darth Vader's life.

"Usted no sabe el poder del lado oscuro de La Fuerza."

'Nuff said amigos.

NBC's The Contender is a winner

Maybe it's because I watched "Rocky" on AMC before switching over to NBC, but I really enjoyed Mark Burnett's latest brain child: The Contender. The show is a winner because of the human interest angle used in devling into the lives of its professional boxing contestants. More so than Survivor or The Apprentice, we get to see the hopes, dreams, agony and defeat of these legitimate boxers and their families.

Don't compare this show to that hastily-produced peice of crap that Fox put out last year. That show was quickly ushered to Fox Sports Net after it died on regular network TV. Paula Abdul could probably host this show and not screw it up because Burnett's production value on this show is that good. As it is, the show is hosted by Sly Stallone, Sugar Ray Leonard and a pair of boxing insiders whose names escape me at the moment.

In the first installment, we see the guys move into a house/training center and work out. They split into two teams and decide who should box from each team. We saw a Mexican underdog named Alfonso Gomez upset Peter Manfredo Jr. (a legit 21-0 as a pro) and dash the aspirations of Manfredo and his whole family. Now that is real drama.

Not since CBS' The Amazing Race have we seen a reality show that actually has some real drama attached to it because of the intense competition. The boxers are real, the matches count on their records and their lives are real.

I covered a few boxing matches during my short-lived TV News career. It was always amazing to me what kind of people are attracted to boxing matches, no matter how small. I shot a few collegiate matches up on the mat at various Reno, Nevada casinos - and as a matter of fact, one of the kids on The Contender is a graduate from the University of Nevada (at Reno). The crowds were always filled with buxom young ladies in evening gowns, big guys with slicked hair, sports coats and gold chains, shady characters with 5 o'clock shadows and cigarettes, boxing scouts and any number of fans with a drink in-hand. These were college matches, and they still attracted a fair number of groupies, goons and gangstas. I can't wait to see the crowds for the Las Vegas matches featured on The Contender.

Tune in for yourself. The show is worth your time, trust me.

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Alice @ 97.3 FM in S.F. blows big chance with Kevin Smith on-air

For three glorious days, fanboy-turned-movie-maker Kevin Smith co-hosted a local radio show here in the Bay Area. Rather than let him spread his wings and talk about the stuff that Alice fans really care about these days - pop culture, movies, celebs and comic books - the obnoxious host, Sarah Clark, tried to stifle his air time at every turn. Her self-serving tunnel vision was disgusting. She insisted on playing silly on-air gameshows that are clearly a crutch for her lack of substance. Sarah made no bones about it, she kept complaining that she needed to hear her own voice more and that Kevin was talking too much. A travesty.

It was sad to see her ego get in the way of a truly inspiring co-host that listeners may never have the chance to interact with again. She's used to her regular, deferring co-host - a DJ with literally no name. Her jealousy was ugly. At one point, Smith, Sarah, Alanis Morissette and Kevin Nielen were all on the air at the same time. She couldn't stop flapping her gums and let the truly talented people do their thing - she was clearly rattled that callers wanted to talk the guests and not her. Sad.

Not only was Smith vying for air time with Sarah, he had to battle the phone-answering, on-air wannabe Hooman. Hooman's bits are supposed to last about a minute or two. At one point, Hooman manipulated his movie reviews to last around seven minutes and he was clearly stalling to stretch his air time even further. Disgusting.

I called in three times to coax Kevin into giving out some legit scoops for his fans. I knew more about what was going on with Kevin than either Sarah or Hooman. I got through once and was dumped off the air really fast after asking Kevin about a secret Star Wars TV project he's supposed to be in charge of. The second time, I held for an hour and had to hang up and get to work. The third time I held for an hour and was hung up on by Hooman because of a stupid game called "dick, not a dick." I never got the chance to ask about the "Fletch" movie prequel Kevin is working on. I never got to ask about the "Green Hornet" movie remake Kevin supposedly wrote, but bailed out on directing. I never got to ask if he'd rather use CGI or live action for a Sci-Fi TV show. These are the things his fans, from all over the world, tuned into hear. Not Sarah ranting about cats, or Hooman and his whiny-feminine act, or the "off-air" producer Matty talking and laughing constantly in the backround. Boring.

At one-point Kevin wanted to quickly give out major scoops about projects he's working on. Because the show was ending and they had to run commercials, Sarah wouldn't let him give the scoops. Hooman begged for quick and dirty scoops before the break. Sarah said no. Commercials ran. They came back and played a game. I had to get to work. The show ended. The fans were cheated by Sarah again. Bitch.

All in all, it was a huge disservice to Alice radio fans. I only tuned for Kevin and probably will never tune in again. This could've brought more fans into the Alice tent, but me thinks not so much now. The egos on that show are so huge that they wouldn't care if Jesus himself came in to co-host. Did I mention Sarah has to tell everyone she's an atheist? Self-centered and lazy.

Republic Commando for Xbox outblasts Halo

In the world according to O-dogg, I'd rather take my squad of Clone Commandos and blast up Geonosian Warriors and Battle Droids in the Star Wars Universe anyday. Let's give Microsoft credit for creating the benchmark first-person shooter game, Halo, and allowing Lucasarts to create an exclusive Star Wars title to rival Halo.

First thing first. Star Wars videogames are just plain cool because they come with authentic soundtracks, sound effects and characters. Republic Commando is a bit of a hybrid because although we're familiar with clone troopers and battle droids, the soundtrack is definitely more rock and roll and the story is an offshoot of a plotline, rather than based on one of the movies. The game play is similar to Halo ... but better.

In single player mode, you have three other commandos that specialize in electronics, explosives and flat-out killing, respectively. You can give those commandos orders that make your life as the leader a lot easier. The weaponry is awesome and the controls are almost identical to Halo, with familiar grenades, melee attacks, strafe/look and jump/squat all at your fingertips. What I like about this game is that you have up to four weapons available at one time because the main DC-17 rifle converts into both sniper mode and heavy anti-armor mode. On top of those three options, you can pick up any enemy weapon and throw grenades with your left hand. If all else fails and you run out of ammo, you always carry a hand pistol that never runs out of laser blasts and the handy-dandy melee attack comes complete with a knife that pops out of forearm ... Wolverine-bezerker style.

The features that I like best are the tactical visor, which is so helpful in knowing the status of the squad, and its constant guidance of distances and objectives. I also love that you don't die a whole lot in this game. As long as one member of the squad is alive and kicking, the game continues. There are generous opportunities to refill health at "bacta stations" and revive downed squad members even without a bacta station.

This game is player-friendly and as easy to pick up as Halo was. So, if you're a blogging, Xboxing, Halo-loving, Star Wars fan run out and get this game ASAP. I guarantee you'll have a blast with it.

The Liger Lives! Sweet ...

At first pass, I watched the indy film "Napoleon Dynamite" and thought:

What the hell is this? Nerds? Ligers? Unicorns? Pastel-colored Trapper Keepers?

After watching it again and again, I have to say it gets funnier and funnier. It seems that everyone knows someone like Napoleon or his brother Kip, or maybe his Uncle Rico. It's an honest movie about people that live in their own little worlds.

I certainly thought Napoleon's favorite animal, the Liger, a half-tiger half-lion combo was as fictional as the unicorns and the warriors he pencils and shades to perfection. But alas, the movie is an honest movie, and someone in Siberia has discovered a real Liger. A glorious animal with the head and mayne of a lion, but the stripes of a Bengal tiger.

Long live Napoleon Dynamite, Stan Lee and UFOs.

Who knows, maybe those "Spider-Man Gloves" that scientists are working will soon be a wall-crawling reality for every-day UFO nerds that are good with a bow-staff and set of nunchaku.

Monday, February 28, 2005

The Incredibles Wins the O-dogg Oscar for Best Picture. Period.

Forget best animated feature. I feel this movie was the best flick of the year. With all due respect to "Million Dollar Baby," "Ray," and "The Aviator," all of which I haven't seen yet, "The Incredibles" was the best movie this fanboy saw all year.

This movie had what every comic book, cartoon and action movie fan needs:

Superheroes with awesome powers; super villains with the locquatious power to monologue; a high-tech villanous strong hold on a private island; sophisticated guard goons with guns; a volcano with bubbling hot lava flows and creepy caves; cool espionage devices; high tech weapons and vehicles; destructive, evil robots; and an awesome climax amid a concete jungle of a modern metropolis. Best of all the story kicks ass, it had a smokey-jazz-cool historical perspective ala "Sky Captain & The World of Tomorrow," the humor was perfect and the CGI animation was the best this blogger has ever seen.

Bay Area viewers will notice the movie's opening chase sequence takes place in downtown Oakland complete with San Pablo Avenue (sans hookers), Adeline Street (sans the gang bangers) and Park Avenue (sans the skeevy stoners from Alameda). This must be a tip of the cap due to Pixar's headquarters in nearby Emeryville.

The story takes time for a jab at the greedy insurance industry, showing more concern over its stock prices than of taking care of the claims of helpless old ladies. I used to do PR for the insurance industry and it was hell because that portrayal is true. The big companies literally hated hearing about the grandmas with claims that cried to the newspapers and consumer reporters. I was glad to see Mr. Incredible trying to do the right thing and standing up to those greedy pencil pushing insurance professionals. For that alone, the story gets my thumbs up.

The real heart of "The Incredibles" is the family. Mr. Incedible, his wife and kids really show the controlled madness that is a marriage with children. As a new father, I was really sucked into this part of the story. It was touching, funny and action-packed all at the same time.

Can't wait for the DVD. If you haven't seen it, catch it a super-saver theatre while you still can. Trust me fans, you will cherish this movie as much as "The Lord of the Rings," "The Matrix," "Spider-Man," and "X-Men." 'Nuff said.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Canseco receiving death threats over "Juiced."

Once upon a time Jose Canseco was my hero - he was the sole reason I became interested in baseball and started following my hometown team, the Oakland A's.

It's sad to see that he's become a caricature of himself. A once larger-than life athlete is now a larger-than life tabloid story. The man has serious issues: a bad case of myopia, jealousy, anger and a desperate need for the limelight. All that aside, there has to be some truth to what he's saying regarding the use of steroids in baseball - he is the expert, after all.

Remember true believers, two things can be equally true. Just because Jose Canseco has questionable character, doesn't mean that some of his teammates didn't take steroids. For example, just because the L.A.P.D. did a lousy job handling the case of the murders of Nicole Brown and Ronald Goldman, and detective Mark Fuhrman was a racist, doesn't mean O.J. Simpson didn't kill two people. For goodness sakes, their blood was found inside O.J.'s Ford Bronco. Do we have to find a steroid needle sticking out of Barry Bonds' butt cheek to suspect him?

The mistake he made was to call people out. McGwire. Giambi. Palmero. Gonzalez. Rodriguez. Clemens. Now somewhere some big guys were hired to put the hurt and maybe a hit on Canseco's life. What he did to his fellow players wasn't cool. But threatening his life for trying to shed light on a deep, dark secret is even more appauling. Maybe baseball didn't call for the threats, but I'm sure it doesn't mind that someone out there is trying to silence Canseco.

Someday, somehow Canseco may be viewed as a tragic hero - a Darth Vader-type guy that had to become a monster in order to slay the larger moster that is cheating in baseball. Time - and history - will tell. Maybe someday I can look at Canseco in a different light, but it will never be like the summer that I fell in love with the game of baseball. If nothing else, the man introduced me to a wonderful sport.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Who is the greatest hero not on the silver screen? Captain America, that's who.

Heads up heroes, the sentinel of liberty needs his just due on the big screen.

The living legend of WWII has recently been updated with a modern uniform and great story lines in Marvel's The Ultimates. So why are b-list heroes like Hell Boy, Ghost Rider, Namor and Blade getting movies made before Cap? Part of the reason is that the complete rights to Captain America were tied up in courts for years. Two years ago Marvel finally settled with the estates of the original creators and vowed to start mass marketing Cap alongside other flagship heroes like Spider-Man and the X-Men. Let's hope Marvel and Lions Gate Films make good with a Captain America movie that is due around 2007. As with any comic book movie, if it's believale and based mostly in reality, it ought to do well. The casting and costume design will be positively crucial to this flick's succes. Take that one to the bank, true believers.

Are UFOs among us?

I think UFO sightings can be both extra terrestrial and the product of human error, but make no mistake: they are among us. When I was young, my Dad's interest in UFO's used to freak me out. He read books like "Communion," and I wanted nothing to do with it. As I get older - and more interested by things like power tools and the military - I find myself following in his footsteps. I'm totally fascinated by UFO phenomenon.

After ABC's Peter Jennings special last night, I don't see how skeptics can blow off credible sightings made by military men, police men and commercial pilots. Many of them didn't say anything about aliens, but they did say the things they saw were not illusions, hallucinations or man-made aircraft. From the 1940s to now, you can't deny credible, straight-shooting people who have no agenda or anything to gain.

I don't believe in abductions. I do believe that sometimes UFOs can be explained as earthly phenomenon. I also believe that if hundreds of people see a UFO up close, that moves like nothing of this earth and is totally silent, it could be a secret craft made by the U.S. government. But I also believe that the U.S. government is able to make these craft by reverse-engineering UFOs that crashed here at some point.

Not to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but there is more to this story than the government is leading on. I just hope those secrets don't put us in danger some day.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Randy Moss to join Oakland Raiders - Flippin' Sweet, Dang!

OAKLAND - So on March 2nd, the most controversial, most intrepid, most game-breaking wide receiver in the NFL is going to join the greatness that is the Oakland Raiders. Hell yeah. Screw all of the haters. The Raiders got the better end of the deal, giving up underachieving linebacker Napoleon Harris, the # 7 pick this year's first round of the NFL draft and a late-round pick that is TBA. Truth is, this is a deal that's been seven years in the making.

On draft day 1998, Al Davis and the Raiders selected Heisman Trophy winner Charles Woodson out of Michigan to solidify a corner spot opposite Eric Allen. Woodson was Jon Gruden's first draftee as a head coach. What most don't know is this: Davis coveted Moss and was tempted to pick Moss with the # 4 overall pick instead of Woodson. Cooler heads prevailed, because at that time, Moss was a great unknown compared to Woodson. Davis desperately tried to trade back into the top 20 to select Moss, but New England killed a potential deal that would've netted Emperor Davis Woodson and Moss in the first round of 1998. Instead, the Raiders ended up with Woodson, Mo Collins and Leon Bender - who died before the season started - all in the first round. New England screwed Davis that day, they screwed Davis again on the Corey Dillon trade by offering a higher draft pick to the Bengals, and the refs screwed the entire Raider Nation in England with the infamous "tuck rule."

Davis wasn't going to let Moss get away again. Good for him. Now Davis has prevailed like the champion that he is. His stable now boasts Woodson, Moss and Jerry Porter to boot! The Raiders now own the best passing attack in the league when you consider that Ronald Curry, Doug Gabriel, Teyo Johnson and Courtney Anderson will be secondary and tertiary targets for Kerry Collins. Speculation and this blog says the Raiders won't stand pat. If all goes according to plan, they will pick up running back Lamont Jordan from the Jets. He may make a nice one, two punch with Justin Fargas. But what happens to Ty Wheatley and Amos Zeroe? Who cares, the Raiders got Moss today!

Halleluiah, Raider Nation, halleluiah. Now if only all that money Moss is owed could be restructured so that the silver and black can pick up a pass rushing end/backer and another impact defender that lines up in the box. Rumors say that Derrick Brooks of Tampa Bay will be available. He's not an edge defender, but look what John Lynch did last year ... then again, look what Warren Sapp didn't do last year.

I'll end with this: the Raiders now have tradeable commodities in Gabriel, Johnson, Philip Buchanon and Doug Jolley. Wheatley, "No Play Ray" Buchanan and Sapp are just untradeable at this point. If the Raiders can somehow parlay those commodities into picks that get them back into the first round of this year's draft, they could be in business on the defensive side of the ball. I just hope it doesn't take someone signing C-Wood to an offer sheet to make that happen. Otherwise Davis will be back to the drawing board with trying to have the best WR and best all-around CB in the game on his pimped-out roster.

War Silver and Black. Out.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Can Iraq pay us back in oil or some other natural resource?

The rallying cry of many hip, young, well-fed, well-scrubbed Iraq war protestors from San Francisco to New York is "No war for oil!" Clearly, this is not a war for oil, otherwise those newly liberated and democracized Iraqis would be paying the U.S. and its coalition allies by the barrel for all of that lovely freedom. Wouldn't it be nice to send them a bill for all of the blood, sweat and cash that we've spent over there?

Hold it right there, I'm not suggesting that money would soothe the loss of over 1,000 soldiers that have died in Iraq. Nor am I suggesting that freedom has a price tag, or that for the low, low price of $200 billion, repressed people could contract us to liberate and democracize their corrupt governments. What I am saying is that it would be nice to have some tangible form of appreciation from the Iraqi people. When it's all said and done, do you really think that they'll be grateful for what we've done? I say no, and it's not because they're not polite, it's because they're too busy fighting among themselves to raise themselves up from third-world status. It seems the men that run Iraq seem too busy opressing women and practicing acts of corporal mortification to notice what the U.S. has done. But what has the U.S. truly done in Iraq?

What makes the coalition forces think that simply getting rid of Sadaam and holding democratic elections will equal a stable Iraq? The different sects of the Islamic religion have been warring for hundreds of years. If and when coalition forces pull out of that country, those sects will probably continue to wage war for another milenium. There is no taming or liberating of the intense hatred those people have for each other, and for America for that matter. Back in the cold war days, we played nice with Afghanistan in order to battle the Russians. We trained the Afghani soldiers and freedom fighters, including a young Saudi named Osama bin Laden. Guess where all of that good training and all of those weapons went? They went straight into the hands of modern-day terrorist groups. Guess where those rifles are pointed now? That's right, true believers, those guns are pointed squarely at the U.S.A. Did we need the Afghanis at that time? Yes. For the short-term it paid off. I would venture to say it stopped paying off the minute the Russians were no longer a threat. Is hindsight 20/20? Yes.

So, we trudge on in Iraq, looking to help stabilize and rebuild the country at the cost of billions of dollars and the lives of young soldiers simply doing their duty. What will the U.S. gain for all of this extra effort and prolonged assistance? I hope it's a not a rifle pointed back in our face several years down the line. Does a liberated Iraq make a war widow or grieving soldier's parent feel any better? I honestly don't know. You'd have to ask them and I can't speak for them. What I can say is that there doesn't seem to be much in this for the coalition forces if Iraq defaults right back into its unstable self. What will hindsight and history say? Time will tell, my friends.

The latest speculation centers around a shiite-run Iraq that will partner with shiites from Iran, creating a modern-day Persian Empire. Greaaaaaat. As if we didn't have enough to worry about without strengthening a potential mega-enemy.

Would it be too much to ask for $200 billion in oil in return? Maybe we can soothe the protestors by asking for $200 billion in camels instead. No? Okay. How about $200 billion in sand? No again? Boy, it's hard to think of something valuable that Iraq can give us if they can't pay in actual money ... or actual peacable prosperity and stability.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Teaching kids about the birds and the BEASTS?

I saw blip on the news last night about teaching sex ed to junior high students that will now include homosexuality, masturbation and beastiality. I don't know what school district this is in, but I assume it's here in California.

Let's take these on one by one:

1. Homosexuality. In today's news media and pop culture enviornment, there is enough about gay and lesbian lifestyles to sufficiently educate kids about alternative lifestyles. Why do we need to jam it down their throats - no pun intended - in schools? I'm sorry, but a 12 or 13 year old kid doesn't need to see pictures of anal sex, oral sex or strap-on sex. Let that kid turn 18 and then he or she can make their own choices. Leave it out of schools. Please.

2. Masturbation. By the time a kid gets to junior high, they know what masturbation is, okay. Why teach kids that may not be inclined to masturbate how to do it? They may see it as encouragement. As someone that went to strict parochial schools all his life, I was taught not to masturbate and it worked. I'm glad I was taught this way ... plus it led to a lot of exciting dreams in order for my body to get its natural release. TMI, I know. Moving on.

3. Beastiality. Why in God's name would anyone want to intoduce sex with animals to an impressionable young kid? That is sick. I'm almost 30 and I don't want to know about beastiality. Again, let a kid turn 18 and let he or she make choices on their own, but don't fill their head full of stuff they aren't ready for at such a confusing age when hormones are raging like crazy.

This is disturbing to me and it should be to other parents as well. If a parent really wants their kids to learn this stuff, then they can teach it in the privacy of their own homes, but tax dollars should not be used to teach these perversions. The kids aren't ready for it. Take it from me.

In ninth grade, I attended my first sex ed class. I was seated next to the girl all the guys thought was the hottest thing in a plaid catholic school skirt. The teacher started educating us on the female menstrual cycle. My palms began to sweat. I felt dizzy and nauseous. I felt so sick that I got light-headed and had trouble concentrating. My sheltered mind wasn't ready for all of this new information about bleeding and PMS. I was embarrassed because I wondered if the girl next to me noticed that I was so ignorant about a woman's body. In later years she and I became friends, but I never asked if she noticed my total sex-ed meltdown. Imagine if the teacher had shown us pictures or videos of men having sex, or women masturbating with sex toys, or anyone having sex with a dog? I probably would've barfed up my Cocoa Crispies and never would've made a single female friend all through high school. Thank God I went to private school - the most shocking things I learned about were maxi-pads and condoms and that was enough for me.

So for today's youth, I beg parents to protest the teaching of things like beastiality and masturbation in sex ed class.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Hang on to your hat world, here comes the original, Web-slinging O-dogg

Welcome, true believers. In the coming days, weeks, months and years, you can look forward to the commentary stylings of the O-dogg.

I'll talk about everything from international politics, to sports, to food, to pop culture, to comic books (yes, they get their own category), to my beautiful family, my friends, my softball team and everything in between. I may even chat about mudane topics like the weather, the maddening traffic here in the Bay Area, the overuse of the exclamation point, house chores, work, death and taxes.

Just about the only thing I won't post about is religion - even though I consider myself a fairly religious and spiritual person. I believe in this great country's freedom of religion and expression ... unless religion is used to hide behind hidden political and fanatical agendas. In that case, the O-dogg may just have to put in his two cents. If your heart is pure and your religion and/or spirituality inspire you to be a good person and citizen, then I say to each his own.

So, on the eve of my brother T's 26th birthday, I hereby complete this historic first post. Keep tuning in my fellow bloggers!